05.23am is one of the most significant points of my life. It was the time I was admitted to a Psychiatric Ward. So that is why I decided to name this blog it because it changed my whole life, and my family's life completely. They have been my rock throughout all this and would not have coped without them.

Monday, 1 October 2012

Turning 21

So today I turned 21; how do I feel? The answer is I don't feel that different to be honest. At least, not as different as I thought I would feel. Your age changing can sometimes change the way you think and feel, but the content of todays blog would not change if I was turning any age, I just feel it needs to be said.

Dr Bruce Banner turned into the hulk when he got too stressed out in the latest Avengers Assemble film, and  you clearly see the way people pussy foot around him, like he is some sort of runaway train on a broken track or a ticker on bomb that you can't turn back (thank you Mr Loaf for the quote there). This is the way some people look at me, if they know about my mental health history, and I think it is a way that other people with a mental health history are viewed; always with a little distrust. Either that or they see the scars on my arms and this triggers some sort of defense mechanism in their minds where as in reality the correct feeling should be compassion, it would be if they saw a plaster cast on my arm instead.
Don't get me wrong, I sort of understand why people do it, and I am sure most of them don't intentionally do it, but their eyes give them away. That is something I struggle to get over because I don't always think it is necessary but I am caught because at the same time I do get it. I see it everywhere, when people are getting interviewed on TV or whatever.
So much is made about the verbal and physical discrimination we as a section of society receive and rightly so, but I would take if further and say that actually for me it is the unsaid discrimination that people receive is actually worse; when people say they are cool with stuff (and I am sure the majority of them want to be) but their expressions and eyes say something totally different. It is difficult to blame people for what seems to be a gut, defensive, instinct but I guess we should be able to live in a world where we are not seen as a potential Bruce Banners' but as ourselves who may or may not struggle at times.  

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