Tired and Inspired

So yesterday I went to my sisters wedding and it was amazing! She looked beautiful and Ian (my now brother-in-law) is a fantastic chap. I don't really go in for all this soppyness but the whole day left me totally inspired. Firstly I was really inspired by the whole notion of love and marriage, to share that sort of bond with someone leaves me hopeful that there is someone out there for everyone. Secondly the venue for the wedding was stunning and sort of made me appreciate just how beautiful, tranquil and peaceful the world can be. Which is especially important to me at a time when I struggle to find peace and tranquility in my own life and in my own head. As I said the whole occasion gave me hope, hope for the here and now but also hope for what is to come. Even if I do not know what that is at the moment. I think hope is just as powerful a emotion as any other. And for me, at this point in my life it is one of the ones I cling on most to. Since I am on somewhat of an emotional ramble today I would like to thank all the people that have been in contact with me or family members since I started this blog. Your continuing support is greatly appreciated.

However I cannot say that the wedding was plain sailing for me. I am beginning to struggle being out in public quite a lot again at the moment, I get very nervous especially with people I do not know, so the post ceremony reception was challenging to say the least. Having said that many of the guests were friends of my extended family who I have not seen for many years which did make it slightly easier. Especially when a few of them told me they were following me on here. We did have to leave the reception early because I started to struggle more as the night drew in and I started to feel totally exhausted. But the amazing thing was that everyone was so understanding, partly this is because they are all such lovely people but also because they understand my 'condition'. That is why I think getting people to understand more about psychosis is so important. Few of the people knew I have it, they understand it and it is easier for everyone. That is why I think talking about it, however hard it can be is sometimes worth it.

It is hard thing to talk about, there is no getting around it. Finding the words can be hard enough, fear of being misunderstood as I blogged before is even worse. However it is also hard for the person you are telling too, because the chances are the subject will be just as alien to them as it is for you to begin with. With time you start to understand it better and then by sharing how you feel, the people around you can start to understand it better too. In the beginning it is understandable not to want to talk about it. I didn't, so I started a diary because for me acknowledging to myself how I feel is important before I can even begin to tell someone else. Even now I sometimes find it easier to talk to cyberspace than any one person. So for me part of the point of this blog, is to talk to people; the people I know and love, just as much as it is for the people I don't know but want to share my experiences with.