What I take and what it does

This entry will probably be of little interest to some readers but I thought I would tell you what pills and potions I take and how I have found them and what side effects they have had on me. The amounts shown are the daily totals and not necessarily what I take in one go.


It has taken many months to figure out the right quantities of everything and I still don't think we have found exactly the right balance yet. But I am lucky that I have a Psychiatrist who is open and asks what I want, he gives advise to help me form a decision rather than giving orders with no input from me.

Pills and potions only get you so far though, there is far more to any mental illness than throwing some tablets at it, there is a lot of talking and other things that contribute to getting better for example, getting some exercise. Thanks to Yoda I have that covered. Anti psychotics often make you gain weight so keeping on top of that is key. The old Anti psychotic I was on, called Olazapine, made me put on about 2 stone. Hence why, now I am back on anti psychotics, I am not on that one anymore.
So here's the list:


Pregabalin- 600mg
Pregabalin is an anti axiety drug. It works well, it keeps you sort of chilled out,I have found its effects are pretty instant so are good in a crisis or when really panicked 

Aripiprazole- 30mg

Aripiprazole is an anti psychotic and it seems to be working very well. I haven't got much to say about this, it does what it says on the tin. Most of the time, that is why we have introduced a low dose of Risperidone to help its effects. I used to take Olanzapine but did not get on with it, due to its side effects.


Risperidone- 4mg
I have only just started the course of Risperidone so cannot tell you much, it is an anti psychotic and is being used as a top up for the Aripiprazole to see if a combination of the two will be better than one on its own.


Amitriptyline- 150mg

Amitriptyline is an anti depressant. Is is the one that works the best for me, I have tried many different ones, including citalopram, agomelatine and Mirtazapine. Amitriptyline is an old school anti depressant and is not often prescribed anymore so I am told, but it is working well for me, so maybe older is better, as agomelatine is pretty new but no where near as effective.

For other reasons I also take:

Naproxen- 1000mg
Naproxen is a painkiller, think of it as Nurofen's big brother, Naproxen commonly causes stomache ulcers therefore I take 20mg of Mepradec to counteract this.

I do have some other side effects but I think these are due to the combination and quantity of tablets I take. These are dizziness, lack of spacial awareness, memory loss, however there are more but it is hard to differentiate between what is caused by the pills and what is a symptom of my psychosis.

My strange duet

'Sing once again with me, our strange duet' - Phantom of the Opera

 As my mind feels fairly jumbled after starting some new medication you may have to bare with me a little bit.

I don't know why I am finding quotes that I have heard so many times before relevant to my Psychosis, but this one I think is. Generally I am not necessarily a fan of quotes for stuff like this because it feel like I am hijacking someone else's thoughts. But since I am taking this one so out of context I think it's more ok- If that makes any sense.
The quote is EXACTLY how I feel about not only this relapse, but also about how my mind is fighting it. I think it does want to sing the strange duets again (inside my head). This duet is being sung between me and the voices like the ones I heard last time, so far I haven't dueted with him or anyone else this time. But it is a battle with the voices that wants to sing once more. Most days battling them is dead easy but like most things, sometimes on the bad days it is a struggle. It isn't a case of if I give in it will happen for certain; but there are days, which are hard to describe, during which I sort of unravel and they are the days that are harder to keep them at bay. It would take a number of bad days in a row for it to happen so I am hopeful that it won't. At the time of the start of my relapse it came very very close to being in a place where it would happen again. Having said that it isn't a case of everything or nothing; it builds up, like the introduction to the Phantom of the Opera, then he sings.
I find myself in a catch 22 situation, because I am ultra paranoid and therefore aware of all the things around me. So everything I hear I think to myself, is that in my head or actually happening? Which can be very difficult, especially when there is no one else to confirm the noises are psychical. But this vicious cycle can be broken and I think at the moment I am doing this. I think I am doing this in a number of ways, preempting trouble, or difficulties before they arise. Which is great and the people that help me do that are great, but as people with mental health issues know, it can be a bit random, and spontaneous 'unraveling' like I did at the start of my relapse.
At the moment the paranoia is doubled with anxiety for which I have been prescribed a drug called Pregabalin, which works wonders and keeps me calm when I am in somewhere new or with a crowd of people, but it is not a cure to it it is just a treatment and as such I have to learn how to cope in these situations slowly. We went to town today and I did struggle a bit with there being so many people around and about. But as I said the Pregabalin did the job that at the moment  I cannot do.