05.23am is one of the most significant points of my life. It was the time I was admitted to a Psychiatric Ward. So that is why I decided to name this blog it because it changed my whole life, and my family's life completely. They have been my rock throughout all this and would not have coped without them.

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Feeling the force

Well today dad and I got a new puppy. He was born on May the fourth and as such he has now been named Yoda.  It is great to have a dog back in my life and the force is definitely strong in him :P
Since the car journey home he has done nothing but sleep and chew stuff up.
Talking about sleep, weird things are a happening. I have been going to bed at a reasonable time, sleeping fairly OK and waking up before 8 each day for the past week or so. It is funny how the little things can make a big difference. My day feels so much longer, and as such I have more time to do stuff I really like. I am genuinely amazed how beneficial a sensible sleep routine can be. It may sound silly but it has made a big difference this past few days.
As I said in my last blog, I have been having quite a big problem with panic and anxiety. To combat this I have set myself a few small challenges. Firstly I am trying to organize my thoughts into specific notebooks etc. At a time when I feel my brain isn't firing on all cylinders it is much better for me to write down my thoughts, and plan what I want to say, if it important, before I do it. And it does seem to be working to an extent. The second challenge I have undertaken over the past few days was to go to Cribbs Causeway, which is a big inside shopping centre, which can get quite busy. So it was a test to see if I can cope in crowds and be away from what I would call a 'safe place' for a whole day. Although I found lunch a little tense as the restaurant was pretty busy the day was an overwhelming success which made me feel very good. I think when dealing with mental illness it is important to take baby steps. Slow and steady wins the race. Trying  too much to soon, which is what I have done in the past only makes things worse. Everyone is different but everyone knows what to them are big or little steps. 
Taking these little steps can be vital in regaining control of yourself and not letting the illness control you. Which is the worse thing that can happen but often does for a while. However being mindful of it is half the battle fought. After taking what others may see as baby steps you do get an overwhelming sense of achievement, and it feels GREAT, a buzz most people who aren't ill wouldn't understand but it is amazing.
I saw my GP yesterday, whom I get on very well with and he really got me thinking, we were talking about psychiatric wards and their pro's and con's. but what was interesting was the word he used and the explanation he gave. He said they should go back to being called an asylum, even though this word was abandoned many years ago. He said it because you are seeking help in exactly the same way people claim political asylum. He said it is not unrealistic to at times feel like you need to seek 'mental asylum'. I found that thought quite comforting and reassuring in a strange sort of way. Like it isn't something shameful to consider, but it is in fact, sometimes the best and most rational decision to make. However now is not the right time for me to claim it. But he just made me feel that if I ever do need to, that you shouldn't be ashamed of it. And  people shouldn't you wouldn't be ashamed of having your appendix out so why should you about this?


  1. Nice to hear that things are picking up for you Samwise! I'm proud as punch and so glad that things are on the right track for you. i know how difficult crowds have been for you in the past so it was immensely brave of you to put yourself in that position, and even braver for you to have come out on the other side feeling happy and confident. Good on you lad. From Conor Staunton

  2. Cheers mush, miss you loads!!