05.23am is one of the most significant points of my life. It was the time I was admitted to a Psychiatric Ward. So that is why I decided to name this blog it because it changed my whole life, and my family's life completely. They have been my rock throughout all this and would not have coped without them.

Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Is everything ok?

'In some cases an accurate diagnosis may suggest an intervention to limit the damage that bad judgments and choices often cause' - D.Kahneman

I saw this line in the first page of a book I bought now that thanks to the new glasses I can actually read again, and for some reason it struck a cord within me and I couldn't get it out of my head. I think there are two key phrases in the quote that relate to mental health. Firstly 'accurate diagnosis' according to my Psychiatrist I am pretty straight forward in terms of my Psychosis, it is what it is and that is it, so to speak. But if being prone to Psychosis is caused by something like a personality disorder it becomes less straight forward. So it depends if we are looking at the cause or just the diagnosis because personally I don't think you can come to the conclusion on one without talking the other into account. The cause leads to a diagnosis, and the diagnosis is formed on the basis of the cause. So in terms of mental health, finding the root cause seems to be just as important as getting the diagnosis, because without knowing the triggers the fact you know the diagnosis means squat, then it will just happen again and again. I have been lucky this time  because I know what my triggers and first symptoms are so I can try and stop it getting to the point it did last time where I ended up in hospital.
The other phrase is 'limit the damage that bad judgments and choices often cause'. I wonder how many people can sit and say that their mental health issue what ever it is, was not partly caused or made worse by bad choices or judgments. I know mine was, even looking back before the psychosis back to when I was at school there was damage done both to me and by me that still seriously influences the way I act and behave today, and the psychosis just magnifies my faults in my life choices and also the bad choices and actions of others. Looking closer to the present to my first attempt at my first year of uni bad choices after the Christmas holiday played a serious part in causing my Psychosis. I made some bad judgments throughout  both attempts at my first year. During my second attempt I made choices that effected whether or not I could make it through the year, those choices meant I couldn't. Having said that the choices made were based on many factors such as my fear of going out on my own, and not managing to participate in things to the extent I wanted to. They were not just off the cuff choices. I owed it to myself and my parents to go back for a second attempt and I don't count that as a bad judgment, but what I do count as a bad judgment was not attempting to go to more lectures or social events as hard as I found them.
As Kahneman says intervention is key, and on both occasions intervention by my parents and my friends saved me. But there are those who don't get the intervention because they still can't talk openly about their condition, be they bankers, students or teachers. I don't necessarily think that intervention has to be by a health care professional immediately, the first step is, if you are worried about someone, ask them if they are ok. Simple as that. The times people ask me that, and actually sound like they care makes everything seem ok. Maybe like I am sometimes, that person is dying to be asked if they are ok, just for the chance to talk about stuff.

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